Yummy Mummy

Yummy mommy or hot mama… these are slang for moms who are still physically attractive and with looks of a million dollar babe.

I am inspired to be one, but it’s really quite hard. How to look glam when you got a baby who is drooling all over you, pulls your hair out in chunks, smear her drool-stained pairs of hands all over your face and "eat" your dress/shirt when she is not trying to pull your buttons off.

I am the ‘garang’ type of mommy; so far I had successfully brought Laetitia out shopping, taken her on the public transport, in some horribly filled MRT, went swimming with her, coax her when I brought her for her vaccinations, maneuvered that darn heavy pram of hers up & down the escalators ALL ON MY OWN!

I thought I was such a wonder mom until yesterday evening. I met with my first baby mishap. I was changing Laetitia and she, active as usual, was trying to flip herself over. As she flipped, her neck and left arm were tangled up in her vest. In a moment of panic; I pushed her back, trying to free her snare. In the event, her left arm was caught undernealth her back and she landed herself abruptly on that arm.

I heard a morbid cracking sound, as if a twig had broken, my stomach churned. Laetitia wailed. I imagined her arms broken, my knees went weak. She cried for the longest time. Her fat droplets of tears flowed endlessly, soaking her face, neck and upper body. I felt so terribly sorry for her.
For the rest of the evening, she rejected her left arm and she wouldn’t even lift the fingers of her left arms to rub her eyes or to hold on to her toys. I was dead worried. I couldn’t sleep a wink; I hid in the toilet and sobbed when everyone else was asleep.

This morning, Mr Hubby dropped us off at KK Children’s Hospital before going to the office. After several checks & X-rays, the doctors at KK assured me that not a single bone of Laetitia were broken or fractured, it’s merely a slip of her joints and they had moved it back to position. When she is finally willing to suck the fingers of her left hand, I wanted to cry out loud. But I didn’t; we were on the train and I don’t want to look that crazy. But it was such a great relief.

Many things had happened to me these few weeks; some times I felt that I am incredibly useless, but on the other hand, I am amazed with myself for surviving all these emotional roller-coasters. I may not be a yummy mommy, but I think I can be consider as a dummy-up mommy (a mommy without some or all of its intended functionality).

Putting on a Smiley

At times, I just have so much I wanted to tell him, but when he is right in front of me, nothing comes out of my mouth.
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At times, I am furious and I wanted to shout, but I didn’t start because I didn’t know how.
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At times, I get upset. I wanted to cry in his arms, but I don’t want to burden him with my tears. So I switch off the lights instead.
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At times, I really miss his company, but when he finally put aside his work, I became anxious, I wanted to flee.
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At times, I know he loves me.
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At times, I wonder if he is too busy to show that he loves me.
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It’s at times like this, I put on my smiley because there is no need for him to know all these; for everything in life is only temporary….

An Undeserving Mother's Day

Last Sunday was Mother’s Day and being a first time mom, I spent it like a ….. daughter, daughter-in-law, granddaughter-in-law. I was anything that day, but a mother.

Laetitia is too young to draw me card and I guess, Mr Hubby probably didn’t acknowledge the fact that I am also a mother too!

And it was such an irony when the only "Mother’s Day" greetings I got, were from two of my guy friends instead.

But all those were nothing compared to how my heart aches when I picked Laetitia up from my in-law’s place, last Friday and was horrified to see how badly she was bitten by mozzies. As she has hyper-sensitive skin, the bites developed into an allergic reaction. Instead of "common hives", the bites turned into angry looking blisters. They resembled the look of burned wounds!

I can’t help but felt overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness and devastation. It was the most grievous thing to see your baby suffers at an age so tender and not able to take any of her distress away. I am so tore to see her scratching profusely on her leg.

Every moment spent away from Laetitia, the fear of dreadful diseases spread by the mozzies and the aftermath of those bites which might scar her for life, afflicted me tremendously. My phobia is tangible; I am damn suffocated by it.

Perhaps lousy mom like me doesn’t deserve the day that commemorate only the superb women… & some might even believed they can only be those from our mother’s era.



It must has been a long time since I last tasted depression… and it still taste like bile.

Dawn of a new era

After the birth of Laetitia, so much of me has changed. I want to see a new me; stronger and happier.

I would not be deleting my old blog, for I believe everything that had happened in my life is worth remembering, even though some memories can be quite unpleasantly haunting.

Join me on my new journey of life.... one that offers a peculiar perspective.