34 already?

With Mr Hubby away on business trip, I have a quiet... almost non-existent birthday this year. There isn't a celebration or present, just some greetings from FB and birthday wishes coming in through SMS.

Haiz... Technology, sometimes makes me wonder if it is a good or bad thing.

Anyway, it is not all that depressing. I still have Laetitia and Leonitus by my side, even though they have no idea whatsoever about me turning 34 today.

Yesterday evening, I went to the mall with Laetitia, we past by a confectionery shop and Laetitia was so drawn to the wide display of cakes, I bought a slice home. I wasn't intending to use it to celebrate my birthday hence we gulped it down faster than anyone can say "Happy Birthday".



Then my maid brought out a tiramisu, left over from Leonitus's party, and stuck a straw on it to represent candle. Laetitia held it and sang me half a birthday song before she plucked out the straw and ate the tiramisu.




It was a hilarious sight; I had a good laugh with it. I think she had given me the most precious birthday present any kid her age can give.

I am 34 already. Happy Birthday to ME!

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Strange World

Gone are the days when maids worry if they would be getting enough food and rest from their employers.

My maid told me she not to give her too much food coz she is on a diet. I was like "Arrh... Are you kidding me?!" And she is serious about it.

She gets to go to her bed at 10.30pm, but instead of sleeping, she would chat on her mobile until midnight. When I urge her to sleep earlier, she told me she is having insomnia, can't sleep.

She spent more time on the phone than Mr Hubby and I combined. 在做大生意吗??!!

Hmmm.... the world has truly changed.

I told myself as long as she gets her job done, I dun care lah.

My CNY cum V'Day's Eve

This year's CNY clashes with Valentine's Day. But I don't have to choose between them because for the first time in my life, I am NOT going anywhere to celebrate. Damn the confinement!

On the eve of CNY, 11pm to be exact, the telecoms of our home sounded. I was breastfeeding Leonitus, so Mr Hubby answered it.

Me: "So late already. Who's that?"
Mr Hubby: "Delivery. You order McDonald's ar?"
Me: "Huh? No."


Mr Hubby ordered a bouquet for roses for me. I was totally surprised, I didn't think I would be getting anything this year.

So totally touched by what's on the card.

I didn't get Mr Hubby any present this year... wait a minute... I think I did. I gave him Leonitus, didn't I. Hehehe....

The dentist drilled a hole in my pockets!

Finally went to the dentist yesterday after many gruelling weeks of torture by an excruciating toothache.

The news was BAD! VERY BAD!! The tooth was beyond salvation. The cavities had reached the nerve; nothing can be done except for root canal. I was reluctant but the pain was so bad, I caved in.

Appointment for root canal was made. The dentist proceed to do a pulpectomy by drilling on my decayed tooth, to ease my pain. It took a nerve-wrecking 30min, I barely survived. The bloody root canal will take 3 times longer. I think I would be dead by then.

Bill came up to be:

X-ray and pulpectomy: $250.
Root Canal: $900.
Crowning: $1200.

A total of $2350!!

WTF! I could buy another LV bag with that!

Fuck! MAJOR FUCK!

I dreamt a bad dream

Some nights back I woke up from a bad dream, crying. I searched for Mr Hubby's arm in the darkness of the night, when I found it, I held on to it tightly. It was as though his arm was a rope for me to climb back to reality. This woke Mr Hubby up, sensing that I was crying, he pat me gently on my head. I broke down; I couldn't stop my tears from flowing. I drenched the corner of my pillow.

No, I didn't dream of monsters. I dreamt of my childhood; one which was filled with many painful memories, disappointments, grievances and anger. One which, I supposed, emotionally damaged me for a long time.

"Your parents don't care about you." "Nobody wants you." "Get out of my house."

Those casual remarks by the adults probably didn't mean too much to them, but to a child, I was scarred. Permanently scarred.

All these years I tried to free myself from my own malicious past. I thought I had it conquered. But the bad dream was like digging into my raw wound. There was just too much hurt. Although it was only a dream, but the disquietude was so real; I wasn't able to go back to sleep.

The baggage from my past makes me a person who fiercely guards against hurtful and meaningless words spoken in the presence of my children. I flinched when hear someone telling (jokingly)Laetitia that she is naughty and nobody will love her. At that instant, I wish there was a "mute" button I could press on.

I probably won't be able to fully bury my past or completely let off those who, unwittingly or deliberately, contributed those harsh words. But I can do my best, using my own ways to bring up my children without crushing their spirits or their dignities.


Speak only what is true and not threaten them with lies, for you teach nothing but you just gave them a reason to tell lies.


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Now there are 2

I survive the first 10 days of my post-natal confinement; 18 more days to go...


I have gotten quite used to being a mother of 2, after these few days of "on-the-job training". It is definitely much harder than when I only have Laetitia. Everyday I remind myself to spend some 'one on one' time with Laetitia and tells her that I love her. So far she had not shown any jealousy or sort, but she seems to be somewhat disturbed when she sees me expressing milk with a breast pump. Maybe the sound of the pump mortified her.


As for Leonitus, he looks "drunk" every day. He makes the funniest grunting noise and he actually yelp like a puppy. Mostly he just sleep, like almost 90% of the time.



I didn't know I am capable having so much love to share among my two "L"s; it seems almost that the capacity of my love doubled over night, after the birth of my second.


The hardest part is having to discipline Laetitia, who at her peak of "terrible two", test our limits constantly. We have to correct her and yet not let her feel that we love her any lesser with the arrival of Leonitus. Like earlier, she threw a huge tantrum before bed, I feel sorry for her but still we have to stick to the guns when it comes to disciplinary; there is no two ways about it.



It real tough being parents of 2. Kan si lang tough, I call it!


But at the end of the day, it's all worth it because I have 2 beautiful and healthy darlings to love.