A night at SGH

Woke up yesterday morning, after a night of painful backache, feeling awfully crappy. I spent the entire day resting in bed. My usually good appetite and my natural attraction to food were totally gone. By evening, I was in so much pain and had practically vomited anything I tried to take in. I was in a terrible shape.

Mr Hubby came back home and brought me to a neighborhood GP, who suspected that I had Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm, he wrote me a referral letter and asked Mr Hubby to rush me to SGH's A&E. Then it was a night of endless checks, x-ray, jabs, pokes and drips only to find that it wasn't AAA but the doc in SGH couldn't be sure what was wrong with me.

When the doc wanted me to stay overnight for observation, I broke down and cried. I guess, the pain and the anguish of not knowing what was wrong with me, were all too much for me to take; plus I really missed double Ls, who were home alone with the maid.

Mr Hubby comforted me and assured me that our kids would be safe at home. Knowing he was worried seeing me in pain and tears, I agreed to stay in the hospital and get myself treated. So started my long night in the observation ward, lying on the uncomfortable stretcher which double up as my bed and waking up numerous time to the unfamiliar surrounding.

I was discharged in the morning after the doc was very sure that I do not have AAA but some infections to the bladder. I left the ward with 3 days of hospitalization leave and some medications. Totally exhausted, but at least I was no longer in pain.

What a horrible way to kick start my long weekend!

Cranky!

Today hadn't been a good day for me. I started my morning, overwhelmed by a feeling of frustration and I was totally perplexed not knowing what exactly I was fussing about.

Maybe it's the fucking weather. I am all sticky and sweats out like a pig, no matter how many time I shower.

I was working from home, while Laetitia, who wasn't that fantastic herself, had a runny nose, henceforth wasn't in school. With all that crankiness going on between us, the two of us really didn't make such a great pair being at home at the same time.

I was trying to get my work done in the study room, she kept coming in and demanded that I play with her or letting her sit on my laps. I tried to explain that I was not having my day off and I would want to do my work. She really had me pissed off when she started whining when I stopped her from messing with my laptop.

At some point, I just keep quiet and glared at her with eyes so big, they probably looked very evil. It was enough to make Laetitia stop her nonsense. She pursed her little lips up and then said in almost a whisper, "Mommy, don't be angry ok."

That put me on the road trip to guilt again. I explained that I wasn't exactly angry with her but I was just not in the greatest of mood and I need her to stay out of my way, at least for now.

She left me alone.

Only to be back 10 minutes later. This time, she demanded that I watch "Elmo" with her.

ARRGGHHH!!!! I so wanted to tear my hair out!

"Peace on Earth"

Today, my maid went out for her day off, then Mr Hubby left to attend to his business; I was left alone to fend for myself. Ermmm.... I mean, take care of my double Ls.

The gods must be on my side today, they both fell asleep at the same time for their naps.

There was "Peace on Earth" for those couple of hours. Sweet!

Live Well

The other night, Mr Hubby and I shared some pillow talk. He had recently attended the wake of his friend; this poor guy, who was slightly younger than Mr Hubby, had passed on, in his sleep. He had been the second friend of Mr Hubby who died while sleeping, in a short span of two years.

Mr Hubby was sharing with me how these deaths had shaken him up quite a bit. He went on to say, "I don't know what would happen if I die, like them. I can't imagine leaving you to bring up our kids."

Mr Hubby has all the valid reasons to worry, because I SUCK big time with financial planning. I am the type who spend and not know what I spend on. Mr Hubby is the CFO of our household; he is my rock who gives me the ultimate peace of mind, when I can just go on and on with my mindless shopping sprees and not having to worry that we would go bankrupt one of this day.

Then he said something that nearly made me cry but I held on to my tears. "If I am gone, you can remarry but (you) make sure that man truly love our kids."

"If I die, I am very sure you would never ever find another woman as good as ME!" I reproved. "So, let's just all live well ok."

That night, I hugged Mr Hubby to sleep, feeling so blessed to have his arms around me. Seriously, I know not what to do if I am without him, even though I have always been quite independent.

My Mother's Day "Surprise"

This is my third Mother's Day. After two very disappointing years, I have been reminding myself not to harbor any high hopes. But still, I was hoping to receiving one of those ugly-looking... oppss... I mean abstract-looking, self-made card by Laetitia.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday morning, all came and were gone. I waited... and waited... the card was nowhere in sight!

Not giving up, I asked Laetitia, "Darling, today is Mother's Day, which means it is MY day! So where's my present?" Having just woken up from her nap, she replied sleepily, "It's in the plastic bag."

"Really? Then where's that plastic bag?" I asked.

"It's outside." She pointed to the living room. My heart skipped a beat. "Am I finally getting something from her?!"

I tailed her as she walked out of my room. At the bedroom door, she stopped, turned and pushed me back inside, "Mommy, you wait here ok." "Oh, it must be a surprise." I thought to myself. Unable to contain my excitement, I was seen grinning from ear to ear.

Laetitia came back to my room with a plastic bag filled with her toys. "Where is Mommy's present?" I stretched out my hand; close to begging for it.

"Nehhhh!" She exclaimed as she put a red plastic cube on my hand.

"Huhhh... that's .... quite a surprise...." +_+ *fainted.



Whatever happened to those hideously scribbled Mother's Day card? Don't all preschoolers' moms get one?

Hopefully, next year, I will get my first REAL Mother's Day surprise. Meanwhile, I am happy just being the mom to my two lovely babies.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, TO ALL THE GOOD MOTHERS OF THE WORLD!

.

Back to Work

These couple of months had been one of the best time of my life. Staying at home, watching my kids grow up. Witnessing Laetitia's first poo in the potty, hearing Leonitus vocalising his first coo and gaa; these might all be silly to many but I was exhilarated to be part of them . I would have missed all these if I wasn't around at home.

It made me sad to remember that my maternity leave is ending and my privilege as a temporarily SAHM is expiring.

Can I be a permanent SAHM if I had really wanted to? I guess, I could, but I wouldn't want to give up the freedom of having my own money to spend. I want to be able to shop freely; buy anything I want for myself and my kids. And I also do not want to see Mr Hubby shouldering the family's financial burden all by himself. I think, I just can't have my cake and eat it.

Meanwhile, I am hanging on to the last brink of my maternity leave by the skin of my teeth, before I have to report to work tomorrow morning.

Damn... I am getting depressed already... *sob