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Tuesday, December 2

If This Might Be The End

I had came back to Singapore last week, but had been too busy falling sick to blog or perhaps I was just being lazy.


Truth is - I had been procrastinating all I can because this is not going to be easy. I am in a dilemma. I had always blog without hesitation but recently I can't typed out words without having second thoughts. In fact, this entry had been written, rewritten, deleted, saved a few times in draft before publishing.


It is tormenting for me if I can't blog but it is equally, if not more daunting, to realize that what I wrote here had unwittingly distressed people whom I love.


Blogging, the one activity that I had enjoyed, could have been a potential jeopardy. Quite frankly, I didn't see it coming.


I used to think rather naively that blogging about my life online is all about me and it could do nobody any harm. Being an extremely candid person, I can be rather tactless and insensitive at times; a little more often than I thought I am.


The actuality is - my life is not only about ME. My life exists only because of the people who work with me, live with me, befriended me, who is related to me, loves me/ hates me or even that nameless who had blocked my way while I got off from the train this morning played a part. THEY all had/have a direct or/and indirect involvement that revolves around this thing which I call "My Life".


And while I openly dissect my life through this blog of mine, I might have inadvertently exposed the lives of others; lives which they might want to keep under wrap otherwise. The value of privacy is never the same for everyone. I supposed I didn't quite understand that in the past.


The intent of this blog had been to serve as my untainted reminiscence, it was never meant as an outlet to glorify myself, or my life and certainly has no means to deprecate anyone or anything for that matters. If I had written anything that had being provocative, offensive or affronting, I am sorry to have made you felt this way.


It had been over 3 years, since I started blogging. It had been one of the best 'self-administrated' therapy which had given me REAL calm and recollections. I found strength that I never knew I had through blogging. I have had my various emotions properly addressed with words. Blogging had helped me grown from an individual filled with inner turmoils and rage to a completely metamorphosed person, who could face the world with more positiveness.


I might or might not know you, but I want to thank you, readers of my blog for the companionship you gave me throughout this journey and had help me to discover who I really am. Thank you for your comments/words of encouragements/support(mentally, emotionally or perhaps spiritually?) and/or even your sarcasms, they were all helpful in one way or other .


I don't know if I would blog again any time soon, but it had been most pleasurable baring my life to all of you. But it would be selfish to continue this pleasure if it also brings along pain.



Thank you!

2 comments:

melissa said...

ah cin.. wat happen???

♡ piku piku ♡ said...

hey cindy,

please don't stop blogging.. almost everytime i see that u have a update, i will sure to read it.

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