My First Sundown Marathon

I was never a runner in my school days; as much as possible, I would try to avoid running during PE lessons. I mean, who wouldn't?! Little did I know, I will pick up running only at the age of 35, and ran my first half-marathon when I am 37! Talk about late-bloomer.

It has only been barely two years, I have seen myself from almost getting killed by a 800 m run to completing two 10 km race last year with good timing for beginners (under 1 hr 20 mins), so this year to set the mark high, I went for 21 km at the recent Sundown Marathon.

Running along side of me was my dearest hubby, who kept me company for the first 5 km. During the initial 10 km, I was doing great. My energy level was high and my body was in good condition. The real challenge only kicked in after the 15 km. I had never ran anything past 14 km in my training. I knew it was a bit insane to jump directly for a half-marathon, when I didn't even know what my limit really has been.

True enough, after the 16 km, my left sole was hurting so much, I had to shift most of my effort to my right. Then not long after, my right leg threatened to give away with occasional, but mild, cramps. I had slowed from a brisk walk to nearly a limp. My mobile phone had long ran out of batt. I had no music, no apps to keep me going. It was truly tough to get moving.

I kept pushing myself, even though I was beyond exhaustion. Along the route, I saw many runners dropping off like flies; some were sitting down and others had wondered off course. I would never give myself up like them, I told myself as I dragged on.

At the 18 km mark, I was experiencing so much pain from my back to my pelvis to the soles of my feet, doubts started to set in. 

Why the hell did I sign up for this?! OK. Just this once and never again. It was an agonising 3 km to the finishing.

After 3hr, 29mins and 32 seconds, I finally crossed the finish line. The feeling was simply awesome. I only had one thing on my mind - I AM FAMISHED! I WANT MEEPOK NOW!

Would I do this again? 

If you ask me on the day of the race, my answer would have been a very firm NO!

Ask me now, 4 days after the race - "Hmm... maybe... maybe not..."

Ask me again 6 months later - Perhaps I might just go crazy again and say "YES!"

I am not trim, I am not athletic, but hell, I just did a 21 km!

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A Day In-front of the Camera

Have you ever wonder how it feels like to be a model or a celebrity, shooting a print ad or a TV commercial? It must be lots of GLAM and FUN and very ego-boosting, you may think.

I had been in-front of camera for a magazine shot (but that was donkey years ago), made a documentary and also a talk show with Mediacorp, so when I was asked to do video-shoot, talking about my company's products, I thought it was going to be easy-breezy. Boy! I was so wrong!

I arrived a little passed 9 am at Henderson Road where Calibre Pics is located after beating the terrible morning traffic. Some guys were fixing up the set, so I wasn't so late after all (I was told it would start at 9 am). Soon after, I was introduced to the owner of the production studio, Jimmy Fok, and the very talented Joel Lim. Joel Lim was the winner for Elle's Photographer of the year 2012 and he had done shoots for big names like Dick Lee, Stephanie Sun and Fann Wong. WOW! Both of them were in-charge of shooting my videos, I was so honoured, but stress also crept in at the same time.

These are some of Joel's works

We sat down and briefly discussed how the videos will be shot and then it was more waiting coz the set wasn't ready. I never knew there were so many nitty-gritty details going into making a video. So I sat around and cam-whore. Hahaha...

Finally after close to two hours, we were ready to shoot. There were a total of ten videos to be shot; I hadn't think it will be that hard until I was placed in-front of the lights and the cameras. Every single word that came out of my mouth had to be pronounced very clearly and I had to be very focused and keep my eyes on nowhere else, except for the main camera (there were two cameras).

The first video was HORRENDOUS! My eyes were darting all over the place (even though I thought I was looking straight into the camera). And being such a 'proud' Singaporean and loving Singlish too much, I found myself omitting the ending sound of most of the words in my script or replacing them with 's'. Example a sentence would go something like this ".. Four(For) skins(skin) to lok(look) smoof(smooth) and radiancs(radiant), one of the key produc(product) would be Sir-lumination(Cellumination) Ass-sens(Essence).." My tongue went on strike that day and refused to enunciate the words phonically. WTF!

There were times that I really felt like giving myself a slap to wake up because I kept making the same mistake over and over. I remembered there was one scene which I had to have twelve takes just to get two bloody sentences correct. Fortunately Jimmy and Joel were really patient and gave me tons of encouragements and assurances, always reminding me that I was doing fine, just needed a little of this and that and blah. Oh, I was so grateful. If I were in their shoes, I probably vomited a bucket of blood already!

At around quarter past three, we had been shooting for more than four hours, but we were still less than half-way done. Even then, we had to stop to take a break because there were thunders and it was affecting the recording. They offered me a HUGE amount of snacks (chocolates, sweets, wafers, cookies etc), but I guessed I was too tensed to eat anything, I kept wondering if we will ever finish shooting all the videos before midnight.

Luckily, things began to pick up and I was able to minimize the amount of 'NG' at the later part of the shoot.

It was almost 7pm, when we completed filming of all ten videos! I almost jumped for joy. Then Joel went through some of the videos and he turned to me with an apologetic face. I knew it instantly that I was not going home just yet. We have to re-shoot the first video (which I mentioned earlier that it totally sucks!). *FAINT

At 7.30pm, we were finally able to call it a wrap! As I was dragging my exhausted mind and body, leaving the studio, I thought to myself, how lucky that I am not a model nor a celebrity. It's not that glam, not that fun and definitely not anything close to ego-boosting.

Still I can't wait to see how the videos will turn out to be ;)

37 and Awesome!

On the stroke of midnight to my 37th birthday, my daughter surprised me with a burning 39 degree fever, even though she appeared to be well throughout the evening (before I sent her to bed). I was silently grateful that I had decided not to go out for drinks that night. 

The next morning, I was the last person to wake up. I spotted a card on the table beside my bed. It was from Mr Hubby, expressing his birthday wishes for me and previewing my birthday present (the item is not launched yet.). Hahahaha...

As I was coming out of my bedroom, my daughter (who still has fever) sprang out from behind the walls, carrying a small bouquet of flowers on one hand and a card she drew on the other, screaming, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY!!" It was simply so touching.

I wanted a casual birthday dinner that my kids and I would love, where I get to wear denim shorts and put on no make-up. So we went to Crust at Holland V, where it serves gluten-free pizzas, at a alfresco setting! I was right, my kids love the pizzas and kept telling us how delicious the dinner was.

No pictures of our pizzas because they were too good for us to stop and take photos of them. But we did take some pictures of ourselves while waiting for our food.

After pizzas, we headed next door to NYDC for some desserts. Mr Hubby asked for a candle on my slice of mango cheesecake so I could make a wish. And of course, I wish for nothing but good health for the family. We (the children and I) had been sick a lot since end of last year and I really wish that moving forward, we will be blessed with good health.

It was a simple birthday celebration but it was all that I ever wanted -To be with my family. Simple, sweet and very heart-warming.

37 is neither here nor there. I am not young any more, but definitely not an old woman too. 37 is gotta be awesome, I just knew it! 

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

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Crazy Busy Week

It had been a week of craziness but filled with so much fun and all the hard work really had paid off. 

Last Thur, we had our annual BC Convention at Amara Sanctuary Resort, Sentosa. This year's D&D theme was Olympic.

So there was no fancy costume needed, I just wore my regular running wear and shoes, but seriously, it was the first time I wore so much make-up in that outfit. 

It was a crazy night of fun and laughter. At the end, to celebrate the finale of the D&D, the three 'Presidents' of the organizing committee (President, Vice President and Logistic President) were almost thrown into the air by the boys of our Counter Support Team, except we were all too heavy.

Then I came home to rest one day, before flying off to Bangkok, Thailand on Sunday morning for business meeting and training. We had the entire Sunday to eat, shop, massage before Monday set in and we had to work.

I usually don't eat carbs, but who can resist the red velvet cupcakes! I had two. I felt awfully guilty!

In-between meetings and training, we would be eating and eating and eating non-stop. There were so much food served during our team's dinner that I had to carry my swollen belly out of the restaurant. Our Thailand team-mates really treat us too well.

But even with all the fun and food, home is still where my heart is. It is good to be back!

(All photos of convention and business trip were 'stolen' from my co-workers, because when I am having fun, who cares about taking pictures. Hahaha...)

Relationships are like Shoes

That, on top, is our shoes cabinet, and my shoes take up to 90% of the space. From the numbers of shoes I have, you could guess how many relationships I have had if 'relationships are like shoes'. 

Like the shoes that I owned, I did had many suitors when I was single. Some looked gorgeous but were terribly uncomfortable. Some were comfortable but plain boring or ugly or both! Some lasted for a couple of months and then fell apart suddenly. Some just don't feel right, even friends noticed my limp. Some made me look good but cost me too much to maintain them. And of course there were some which were very attractive but the moment I wore them, they HURT!

Seriously, I am not that promiscuous. Really! I only had/have three serious and long relationships which lasted 7.5 years, 5.5 years and another one, over 5 years and counting.

My first relationship was like this pair of heeled rain-boots. Flashy but cheap! (Cost me less than $30). He seemed sturdy and strong; I had thought he could protect me from rain and storms but he made me slipped and fell when I let my guard down. It took me ten years to get back up on my feet again.

He is now on someone else's feet, I wish her luck. Hopefully this lady has better balance than me.

My second relationship was love at first sight. How could I not, he was so cute-looking. Polka-dots and ribbons were simply too irresistible for me. The moment I got into him, I realised that this pair of shoes was flawed. The right side couldn't stand properly on its own, he needed to be supported all the time, he exhausted me. He wobbled and threatened to give way, he gave me too much insecurities.

I took him off and walked away bare-footed. It hurts at the instance, but it was for the better and I was right.

I swear, I wasn't going to buy another pair of shoes. I was depressed because shoes make me happy! Don't call me superficial!

Then came my third and final relationship. He is genuine (or at least this pair of shoes is made of genuine leather). With little details, timeless design, simplicity and comfort, he took me to places that I could only dream of in the past. He is good for all occasions - shopping, working, out with the kids, I just want to wear him wherever I may go.

He is the one I am keeping for the years to come.

So how do your shoes make you feel today?

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My Lan Jiao (Rotten Feet)

Not too long back, someone came up to me and told me, "I read your blog and damn, I am so jealous of your perfect family, your perfect life, everything is like a fairy-tale." (I get the vibe that this person doesn't believe everything I am putting up on my blog.)

So I had to do this post to tell people ( like the one above) that NO, my life and me is not only about rainbows, unicorns and cotton candies!

My feet fucking rot and they got so much worst when I was holidaying in Japan because I was wearing thick wool socks and I suffocated my feet for more than 10 hours straight in my boots some days. There were tiny bubbles on my feet which itched, as though millions of ants were crawling on them. To stop the insanity, I poked my feet with needle until they bled.

So now, after drug and creams and every magical potions there was in store, I am waiting for recovery so that I can run again. And I am so fucking fat now coz I have not been running for the past weeks, all thanks to my lan jiao!

You can't choose what life is gonna give you, but you can choose the perspective you want for your own life. So don't have to envy me!


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36

THIRTY-SIX! That's how old I am today. Woo Hoo!!

I took a day off on my birthday because I reckon I would be deadbeat after coming back from Japan the day before. And I was right.

Perhaps turning 36 has aged my braincells a little too much. I went out to run some errands this afternoon. I knew exactly what I needed to get - nail polish remover, hair mask and anti-perspirant. So I went to Sasa, then Watsons and lastly Guardian. I came home with two hair masks of different brands, bought from different stores and I hadn't even realised it! Gosh! I think I saw another grey hair.

As I ain't the type of person who loves a big bash on my birthday, we just went out for a cosy dinner at an Italtian restaurant, AMICI at Holland V.

Gluten-free cake was out-of-the-question in most restaurants and shops, so I decided to have a small slice of tiramisu with one little candle on it, so the kids will get the chance to blow out the candle.

Laetitia asked if I was only one year old. Hahaha...

I am 36. A happy and contented 36!

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The Internet Never Forgets

Dug this picture out from the internet when I tried to google for "SK-II". It was me, working, when I was 8 months pregnant with Leonitus. I was looking like a fucking WHALE!!

Is there really no way to remove this hideous photo of me from the world wide web?!

Simple Joy Is...

Revisiting the place where we had our very first date and reliving the feeling of falling in love.

Having a new hamster, named Quinny Peace (by my 4 YO), who is bold enough to take its feed from my fingers. It is so unlike our previous dwarf hamsters who shunned me like plague.

Baking wonderfully delicious gluten-free and dairy-free banana walnut muffins for my two special kids and seeing them wolfed down those muffins was pure happiness. You won't understand unless you also have kids who suffer from food intolerance.

Seeing how much my little cuties enjoy school. I am so fortunate; those mothers who have to drag their screaming and kicking kids pass those school gates must really envy me to death.

Running. From almost dying after running 800 meters during Cold Storage Kids Run in May this year, to now, completing almost 8 kilometer and still feeling really good. I am amazed by my own level of endurance.  *smirk*

Immersing myself with a really good drama, which had me crying and laughing and then crying and laughing all over again.

Such are the simple joys of my life! So what makes you smile today?

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Nothing to be Afraid of

10th Oct (I know I am late) was World Mental Health Day, a day to raise public awareness for the mentally ill. I know most of you would be shunning, "Oh, I don't want to have anything to do with the crazies!"

And this is exactly the reason why I have chose to blog about it. There is an absolute need to debunk the myth of mental illness. Blogging about my own struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder would make me vulnerable; in this stigmatising society which we live in, I might lose some friends or perhaps even my job when this entry goes live. But I want to do something, I want to give back to the society, I want to put a face to it, to show everyone out there that being diagnosed with a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a sickness, not a sin. And we can go on to become well and lead dignified and fulfilling lives.

This was me, 5 years ago. Having battled depression for more than half a decade, I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at the age of 30.

And what was I like then?

I looked fabulous and could have impressed people easily, but behind closed door, I don’t even know who I really was. I was confused with my own identity.

I wasn't like those mad people you watch on the TV, locked up in an asylum. But I indeed stayed in a psychiatric ward in a hospital for a short time - 14 days to be precise.

I had poorly regulated emotions, which was why I would be nice on some days and screamed at the same person, the next.

Occasionally, I would have intense anxiety for no apparent reason, which made me retreated into my own solitary.

I was aloof because we didn't want to get unnecessary involvement, coz I felt it would always be me who get hurt in the end. I was superficial because the intensity of human relations drove me to my pits and I believed being indifferent will help me keep that facade.

I had chronic feelings of emptiness, that was why I jumped from people to people to fill the void, but I feared being connected emotionally at the same time. I fell for people easily and fell out of it, just as quickly too. I had abnormal fear of attachment, as I thought of attachment as future abandonment.

I was impulsive and self-damaging, I tried killing myself a few times. And I actually enjoyed self-mutilation because I believed the physical pain would lessen my emotional turmoil.

I  used to be paranoid and depressive, I felt the world was an evil place. I didn't know how to take things lightly because my life was a matter of black and white, I didn't know how to accept the multiple shades of grey.

I hated everything, I blamed everyone, including myself, I wanted to be dead.

That was me.
.
.
.

Now, I have come a long way.

I am successful (in my own opinion), drug and therapy-free and loving each and every day of my life. And I want you to know, with early interventions, there is nothing to be afraid for being a little mad some times.



Gain Some, Lose Some

I hadn't been blogging much lately because I am really busy. Busy jogging in the gym or around my estate. I am persistent to lose those pounds! Haha..

Anyway, last week, I received my third phone call from head-hunting company for a position as the Regional Trainer in a competition's company. Like the other two calls I received earlier, I rejected the person.

I know I am limiting my own career path by choosing to stay local. But between a globetrotting high-flyer and a mother, I choose to be the mom who will always come home for my little ones. And I know, I am happy with my choice. No regrets.

You gain some, you lose some. Not a big deal.

Dad

Father's Day is just round the corner.

I don't remember ever celebrated Father's Day with my dad.

No, he didn't die when I was very young; in fact, my estranged dad is alive and kicking, somewhere. I don't exactly know where. He had given me his name card, but I think I had misplaced it already.

My parents divorced when I was young. My dad deposited my brother and I with our grandparents while he formed another family. We used to see him, once a month, then once every few months, then once every Chinese New Year. Then, occasionally once every few years. Now, once in a blue moon when we bumped into each other on the street.

So much had been reported on the importance of an involved father in the growth and development of a child. Children with dads who are active in parenting, perform better in school, show lesser behavioral problems, are more confidence and have greater chance of being successful when they grow up.

It is believed that young women often look for men resembling their own father; and if their fathers had been dirt bags in their growing years, you can imagine the kind of disaster that are awaiting the future of these women.

If you could close your eyes and recall the images of your dad in your childhood, what was it like?

Did you see your dad bringing you for walks? Did he carry you on his back? Did he read to you at bedtime?

Or was he never around when you needed him? Is he cold, distant, unapproachable or punitive?

To those dads who have eyes glued to your Iphone/Ipad all the time, is that how you really want your children to remember you by when they grow up?

************************

I closed my eyes. There was an image in my mind - a still and invisible figure.

I guess, that must be my dad.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy, wherever you are.

Better off 5 years ago?

When it comes to politic, my attitude has always been, and would remains, apathy. So it irritates the hell out of me when it's time for General Election because good TV programs would be suspended for these politicians and politician-wannabes to come on air, appearing to be sincere and try to bribe, bluff, threaten and beg for the people's votes.

Then few days ago, I was sitting in front of my telly surfing for a good show to watch, Mr Hubby invaded and switched my channel. I don't know the title of that program nor do I care. To me, it was some politician pitching their 'sale talk'. Then one of the opposition raised a question, "Are you better off than you were five years ago?

That set me thinking...

This was me, five years ago, roughly about a month before I dispensed myself from that miserable life that I shared with my ex-boyfriend whom I had been with for the last five and a half year. His infidelity and irresponsibility had almost wreaked my life. I was physically, psychologically and financially damaged.

When I left him, I was in debt, I had no roof over my head, and not too many people to turn to. I seek shelter in a very filthy house which I suspected was haunted. Over the years of numbing myself when I was with my ex-boyfriend, my reliance on prescription drugs had messed up my health big time. My state of mind and my social relation were also in a huge mess. In short, my life was chaotic and I was all on my own.

So I made up my mind to clean up my life. In the beginning, I wasn't sure if I was capable to even move on but with sheer perseverance I was able to turn my life around.

I took on a new role in my job which put me on a vertical learning curve. It was hard, but I had the best job satisfaction and earned my first taste of dignity and respect which I had lost in those years hanging out with my ex.

I settled my highly over-due divorce (yes, I was even once married to a pig) and sold my matrimonial flat which I used the money to pay off my debts. Then I took up a loan and bought my first private condo which had its value sky-rocketed in the years that followed.

I met a wonderful man. Fell in love. Had his child. Married and had been blissful ever since. Last year, we welcomed our second child.

While, there had been ups and downs, recessions and job losses, I was never in any way affected long enough. I had grown to be resilient.

In these 5 years, I had built a career doing something that I like, own and co-own two private properties, became mom to two most lovable children and wife to the most wonderful husband, be the sponsor of a child in Mongolia, and enjoying every bits of life's luxuries. I am not just better off than five years ago, I am having the BEST time of my life!

So does that means my vote should go to the PAP?

I certainly don't believe any politicians or government can do a thing more, or (for the pessimestic) less, to my life than what I can on my own.

The question ISN'T 'Are you better off than you were?'

The question IS: 'Why wait or hope for someone to come and make your life better, when you can just make that change on your own?'

I am a Woman, Hear me Roar

Today is International Women's Day, a day when the world celebrates having us, women, the superior gender.

The gender of all mothers, the mighty beings.

The gender that chews off it partner's head and eat it for supper, after sex - the Back Widow spider.

The gender that draws blood and kills with dead viruses - the mosquito.

The gender with the capablity to produce milk to feed the young - all mammals.

The gender who got up, walked over and made a male bugger snubbed off his cigarette in an alfresco dinning, while the rest of the diners are just wimpily to suck in those cancer-causing smoke - yes, that's yours truly.

I paid to eat, not take in bloody second-hand smoke. So get the fuck out of here before I shed you to pieces! ROOARRRRR!!!!

35... and loving it!

(PART 1) THE TREASURE-HUNT

I was on leave on my birthday so I had the luxury to sleep in and I didn't wake up until it was almost noon. The smiley face of my son, Leonitus, was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes; he was beside me and had just woken up from his nap too. We cuddled and giggled, do the silliest thing, taking turns to suck his pacifier. What a lovely way to kickstart the day - my birthday!

Then I walked into the bathroom and saw this birthday greeting written on the mirror with a lipstick! Not my lipstick, I hoped. And then there was a piece of note, it seemed like a clue. Yes, it was indeed a clue to my birthday present! Treasure-hunting my birthday pressie? How exciting!!

"... a place where only you and me can access" That had to be our safe! That was a no brainer, come on I can do better than this! "Pressie, here I come!!"

What?! A key?!

"Key we use from Mon to Fri excluding P.H."... I was stubbed. I took that key and started poking into holes around the house, totally clueless. I gave up and text Mr Hubby to ask for more clues. But he thought I should be able to solve it on my own since I have always been a fan of crime shows like Mentalist and CSI. But don't he know that his wife is a bimbo?!

Finally after 90 minutes of wrecking my brain, I had a breakthrough. The key had to be for our letter-box! And sure enough, I found a nicely wrapped box sitting inside. I opened it up and there was yet another key! OMG!! I was beginning to hate KEYS!!

But this key was easy. It was the key to our second car, so I dashed out of the house again and make my way to the carpark. Found our car, opened all the doors, but found nothing inside the car. SHIT!! Where was it?? "Come out, come out, wherever you might be, pressie!"

Tried the car boot and there it was! A CHANEL box!! "Please. Don't let this be another key."

I opened up the box and WOW!!! A CHANEL bag. My first CHANEL bag!! YIPPY!!

I love it! I love it! I love it! I was jumping for joy right there in the carpark. Can you believe it?!

Poured everything from my LV bag into my birthday present and started using it immediately. Can't wait.

(PART 2) THE CELEBRATION

My mom volunteered to come over to help out with the kids so that I could go out for dinner with Mr Hubby, in peace. She gave me a red packet and bought me a birthday cake. I had a mini birthday celebration at home; singing happy birthday and blowing the candle out, much to the delights of my two birthday-loving kids.

I ate my cake with my two adorable darlings before bidding them goodbye to join Mr Hubby for our 'romantic' dinner for two, in a not so romantic place because I am definitely the unromantic one among us.

We went to The Line at Shangri-La Hotel for a sumptuous buffet dinner. I absolutely love oysters and sashimi. I ate close to a dozen oysters and so many more food. Luckily, I wasn't wearing anything tight fitted or I might just bust the seams of my dress.

Even though I was feeling so bloody full, I had some room reserved for desserts! The Creme Brulee and Tiramisu were simply too heavenly to be missed!

Apart from the delicious spread and my birthday surprise, I felt so loved by my husband. He is just the sweetest, although he is a man of few words. Anyway, who need a talkative husband, I don't.

Ooohhh... I am soaking up the bliss!

And I 'heart' my mom who has always been there for me and my kids. Mommy, you rock!

I am truly blessed to have this life. I had never imagine turning 35 to be so awesome! It's crazy, but I think I am beginning to like growing older! I am so looking forward to my 36th birthday... (more like, I can't wait to get my second and third and fourth CHANEL bag! LOL!!)