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Friday, June 12

The Beginning


Spend the day at home instead of at work. Had been MC for extreme fatigue. I am so tired that I simply can't get my butt off the bed without feeling light-headed.

In case you are wondering if I am dying, the answer is "No". The somewhat longer answer is "Who knows, people die all the time without really knowing when and where, death gonna takes place. But for now, I don't think I am dying just yet!"

Ok, cut the crap. Truth is - I could be pregnant... most likely to be pregnant... almost certainly to be pregnant... Ok... Ok... honestly... the test kit shows that I am pregnant but the ultra-sound scan from my gynae's clinic has not pick up any image yet, so there can still be a 0.1% chance that I am just giving myself excuse to be fat and is plainly exhausted from all that binge eating.

Perhaps I am in denial. I guess, I am just not mentally prepared for another baby, but then again when was I ever mentally prepared for motherhood anyway. But the thought of putting on weight and then going through 'boot-camp' style of dieting & exercise to shed them off still sends shivers down my spine.

Even though I had done it before, when I successfully lost beyond those 18 kgs which I had piled up during my last pregnancy and incidentally became slimmer than my prenatal, I am still apprehensive.

And the thought of GD (gestational diabetes), and all those daily, multiple blood tests and insulin shots which I endured during my last pregnancy is enough to get me damn freaked out!

It might have seemed that I am very unwilling to go through another round of pregnancy because it was more of a nightmare than anything I could enjoy, but I think I would psyche myself ready to venture into "hell" again if that's what it takes to have another "blessing" in our life.

How could I still say "No" to kids, when I already know just how much joy one lil' angel can bring, let alone two or more.

But two is already the benchmark for me.


So let the battle begins!!

3 comments:

Mel said...

yeah!! yeah!! yeah!!! welcome to the mother of 2 club.

Linda said...

Can't wait to see Baby Number 2. Take care.

yanZzz said...

wow ... she grew so fast ..
first she was a chubby gal ..
nw .. WA LAU .. time flies suddenly i felt old .. sianz

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