Sunday, September 14

Love Yourself...

And it doesn't matter who you marry!

That was the title of a book that I recently read.

If you are wondering, if I was reading this kind of book because my marriage is in dire straits, all I can say is - thanks for your concern, but this time, you got it wrong.

I like to read, to be more specific, I like to read non-fictional books. They can be anything from self-help, to medical journal, to autobiography, actually anything that can enrich my soul.

Anyway, about this book that I read, to be honest, it is pretty draggy and if you are looking for an answer to save your marriage, I think after the first couple of chapters you might have already given up hope and went ahead to file for the divorce.

But there are stuff in the book that is worth pondering. Like, how the author believed that people who are not happy in their marriage/life, are people who are not honest to themselves. And if you are wondering why it seemed as though ALL your past relationships/marriages ended in the same way, it was because YOU created your own ending.

Just a couple of days back, I received a phone call from an ex-colleague, she sounded really delirious! She was lamenting about why her life is always fucked-up, how she always trusted people who mistreated/used her... blah... blah... blah... But I didn't really understand why she was so upset.

If you are expecting me to say some stereotypical bullshits like, "Don't be sad. It's ok, cheer up. You still have friends... etc" Please, if you need to hear those crap, call anyone else, but NOT ME! Because I will not say things I don't mean. I will probably tell you to get a hold of yourself and/or you are too carried away by your emotions and ungrounded suspicions to be thinking straight right now. Or I might suggest you take a trip to either the shrink or visit India or some similar 3rd world countries! Or I might even recommend that you shut your big mouth up and just read Shandy Sim 's blog because there are people who are about to do anything just to stay alive.

People had asked me how I managed to battle my own depression into remission. How to stay happy in a marriage/enjoy motherhood?

Seriously, I am not some HAPPY folk to begin with, but I fucking work on it! Yes, I work my part to be happy. You think happiness is GOD sent??!! LOL!! What a joke!!

Before I share my personal experience, I want to thank my hubby for being gracious and understanding, because he had never stopped me from flashing our lives online.


Here's the story:

One night(sometimes back), Mr Hubby came home around 4am, smelling like a XO-soaked ashtray! Prior to his return, he hadn't phoned home to inform me his whereabouts and as usual, I don't have the habit of calling him to question him.

He took off his alcohol reeked clothes and staggered into the bathroom, a while later, I can hear him gagged. He must have merlioned into the toilet bowl. I thought to myself, if this happened in the past, I would have killed him. But instead I went to the kitchen and poured him a glass of warm water to make him feel better. He slept after hitting the pillow, in 2 seconds.

The next day, he told me he went to a nightclub, drinking with his clients the night before. So I jokingly asked, "Did you touch any of the hostess?" His reply shocked me beyond words. "What do you think? It's a nightclub mah." For a moment, I couldn't get the image of my own husband fondling young girls, who sat on his laps stroking his god-knows-where, in a sleazy, smoke-filled KTV room, out of my mind. I knew I was way too imaginative for my own good!

Would you pull out a sledgehammer and smashed him right on his head, if you were me? Well, I almost wanted to. But no, I didn't. I remained quiet.... until I was able to find some composure. And composure only arrived the next day. I was upset for the entire 24 hours after his "confession"!

When I had finally calmed myself, I communicated my disappointment to him. I made known to him that I wasn't angry that he went to a nightclub, I wasn't even angry that he admitted touching someone. I was disturbed by the casualness of his remarks; he sounded as though IT WAS PERFECTLY ALRIGHT TO TOUCH ANOTHER FEMALE SPECIES AND I FUCKING HAD TO ACCEPT THAT! He is smart, he got what I meant.

At the same time, I didn't forget thank him for his honesty and his faith in me that I would be able to handle the truth. Well truth is a bit hard to swallow but I rather buy the truth anytime.

If I hadn't gone through so much shit in my past, I would be dogmatic as well. It is common to see couples kicking up a big huha and probably accused the man of being unfaithful and assumed that he loved you less. But I decided I will not go there. Because assumption is the most unnecessary thing to do in a marriage. Don't know, you ask. Not happy, you say. What's there to assume?

I had changed. With the changes, I see that things can be different.

I can't teach you how to be happy or how to maintain a relationship/marriage, because I am also still learning. But I can let you in on my golden rules that had changed my life:

1) You can't change the world/others, but you can change yourself; and when you change yourself, the world/others will change the way they treat you.

2) Live in the moment. Don't worry about things that hasn't happen because they might not happen.

3) Always remind yourself of the things you have, instead of thinking about things that you never own.

4) Learn to treat your man VERY well; don't be afraid that he will then take you for granted. Because if he is stupid enough not to treasure you, trust me, there will be hundreds of other men who will!

5) You are what you believe you are. That's the law of attraction.


Anonymous said...

Cindy, you are very gracious loh.. to be honest the majority of SG woman cannot tolerate such things.. there are many who 'tolerated' in silence.. but the feeling will eat them up inside. For me, I will definately NOT tolerate & beat the crap out of him.. so your HUBBY better be thankful to have such a wife like you.

Anonymous said...

btw- i forgot to sign off - Jasmine C

Anonymous said...

U have my ultimate respect. This should exactly be the ultimate emotive way to converse in terms of worldly happenings!


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