I remember when she asked me for my reason for giving Oki up; I made it very clear to her that it was not like I do not want him anymore, I wanted him to have a better home, one that would give him lots of love and care, pamper him like nobody's business, walk him daily and have people at home who have the time for him. I know I can no longer provide all these for him and it is only fair that I let him go... to a place where he deserve to be. He truly deserve a better owner than the current me who is struggling work, life, baby and all, with a lack in emotional understanding.
It was hard, very hard letting him go and the worst part was surpressing all my feelings because I didn't tell anyone how hurting it was for me to send him away. I didn't say because I didn't want anyone to stop me or to talk me out of this decision.
There will be people who would be quick to label me as "just one of those irresponsible dog owner", but I won't give a fuck. It would be simple to avoid being labelled, either I just continue keeping Oki and not feeling bad about not spending time with him or I can choose to lie and say nothing about this adoption. I have known people who keep their dogs in the kitchen, balcony, toilet or even cage for years but I will never bring myself to do any of that.
I think I used all of my remaining love for him to get to the decision of giving him away after knowing that he would be genuinely loved and his companionship would be cherished by his new family.
We went to visit Oki in his new home last Sunday. And I was so happy to see that he is well-taken care of .He has accepted his new family very well and he even has a new friend now, a rabbit. When it was time for us to go, Oki whined just a little but he did not make any attemp to follow me, unlike how I had anticipated earlier. It seemed to me that he knew this is his home now and I am nothing more than a visitor.
I fought back my tears when we left Oki's new home. I think those would have been happy tears.
Although I missed Oki very much, I know letting go is the right thing to do. For loving someone is never about possession, it is always about giving what's best for him even when it means losing him.