Sunday, January 23

Positive Parenting - Why some parents just won't do it?

Laetitia has been put on Singulair too, because she had caught the virus and is wheezing just as much as Leonitus. So with her already challenging personality, Singulair just made a much BIGGER monster out of her. Isn't parenting exciting or what!

When she accidentally dropped her cake at Leonitus' birthday bash yesterday, she burst into tears and was howling as though the world was coming to an end. Luckily, there was this 7 or 8 year old little boy, who is my cousin-in-law's son; he comforted Laetitia and tried to cheer her up by giving his own little charm (the ornament on the cupcake that Laetitia was really into collecting) to Laetitia.

I was very impressed. I praised the boy and turned to his mother, told her how proud she must be of her son. However, I was surprised by what this mother had to say, "Aiya, he is like that. Very 'kaypoh' (busybody) one." The boy was deflated like a balloon upon hearing those words. "She (referring to his mother) is always like that. Whenever I helped somebody, she will say that I am a 'kaypoh'." The boy pouted at his mother being unsupportive.

I found myself jumping to the boy's defence, "No. I certainly think that your son is really nice." I hadn't give a thought if I would be coming across as offensive to this mother. I turned to the boy and told him, "Remember this. Compassion is your strengthen. You must feel proud of yourself and carry on being who you are regardless of what other tells you." The boy nodded and let out a weak smile.

I seriously do not understand why some parents do what they do. Putting their own kid down in front of others when he was actually being good?!?! Don't tell me this is Asian parents' way of teaching humbleness, I find that absolutely MORONIC! And coming from that mother who is highly educated and holding a respectable job?! I simply had to sigh.

When they are good, just fucking tell them that they are good!! Reinforcing positiveness is such an easy parenting tool. I see parents choosing punitive methods and humiliation as a form of discipline over positive reinforcement. Why do they even go there?!

I am an anti-spanking mother. I never hit my children but that doesn't mean I am being permissive and my children can push me around. HELL NO!! I just don't see what canning, whacking and smacking can possibly do to teach a child the proper way to behave because hurting another person physically ain't proper either!

I hear you, some parents, saying that the only method of discipline they ever know is the cane. Why don't you just fucking go and buy a book on positive discipline and then just follow the methods!? The truth is: parents who hit their kids are just losers who cannot contain their own anger. They probably need anger management themselves!

There will be parents out there who thinks I am just this fortunate arse who has well-behaved children that is why I don't have to resort to spanking them. I can't tell you how wrong you are to even think in such a way.

So if you think you child is naughty, is wilful, is lazy, is stupid, then he/she WILL BE! That is self-fulfilling prophecy at its very best. Money Back Guarantee!! To have better behaved children, the parent must first have their paradigm shifted.

I choose to believe that my children are fundamentally good, but at times they misbehave. I choose to believe they have good characters and it is then my duty to help shape them further. And no, that doesn't require smacking at all.

I know... the pro-smacking parents are looking to gun me down after this entry. Like I would care!! No fuck!


Lala said...

Hey, I agree with you (though I do not have a child)

In general, the older chinese parents do that for fear that these praises will make the children PROUD or arrogant.

I think it's almost ridiculous.

Unfortunately, many new gen parents learnt this from their parents even though they are educated. They just follow the crowd and don't have a mind of their own even if there is NO logic in it. DISAPPOINTING.

Double Ls and Mommy said...

Lala, thanks for dropping a comment. It's good to know I am not the only one who gets irked by parents who 'monkey see, monkey do'.


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