Wednesday, July 31
My Parenting Styles
My kids are 3.5 and 5.5, and they are really great kids! They love to go to school; I never had any problem with them attending full day childcare from day one. They eat whatever vegetables and fruits gladly, I never had to shove greens down their throats or force them to eat healthily. They shower and brush their own teeth before going to sleep on their own, leaving me time to watch TV or surf net. Every morning, they wake up on their own without the use of alarm clock, regardless of which day it is or where they might be. More than half the time, they are well-behaved and sensible. And all this while we do this without canning, spanking or smacking. Just a little screaming... Ok, some screaming.
If you are going to comment that I am lucky, well, maybe a little, but you are so going to need an awful lot of luck if you want to have well-behaved children without some form of effective parenting.
So what's our secret? A magic potion or a charm? No, we didn't do drugs.
The word is RULES!
I tell my children that every country has their governors and their laws. Well, in this household, I am the governor and I make the rules!
Rule #1 - Always listen to your parents.
Rule #2 - You will always follow the daily routine that has been set. Example: Wake up, Clean up, Eat Breakfast etc.
Rule #3 - Do not use tantrums, threats or violence. They will not get you anywhere or anything. Oh, actually, they do, they get you punishments (time-out).
Rule #4 - Meals are to be consumed seated in the dinning room. If you do not want to finish your food, I respect your decision, but no other food will be provided to you until your next meal.
Rule #5- The use of TV, Internet, Ipad, mobile phones are restricted to a maximum of 1 hour per day as a total. Permission must be obtained. Usage can, and will, be denied subjected to your behaviour.
Rule #6 - No entertainment of any form can be access until all necessary work are completed.
Rule #7 - When your parents say "No", you do not seek out another adult. See Rule #1.
Consequence: You will be punished (with time-out) if you are defiant or when you break the rules deliberately. The length of punishment is varied in accordance to your behaviour.
I know what you are thinking. With all these rules and punishments, won't my kids be repressed and feeling miserable?
Well, my kids know that I am strict, my decisions are firm and usual final, and I give in to no nonsense, but above that I love them and I love them hard. They turned out to be well-adjusted, resilient, energetic and happy.
Don't they ever misbehaved? Yes, of course they do. Come on, they are just kids, they do have their 'moments' at times. Some 'stress-relieving' tantrums had to be thrown, then they just had to be thrown. But the key is to show them that we are consistent and principled and for that, I am very fortunate to have my husband sharing the same vision and parenting goals with me.
I am nothing close to a Tiger Mom, but I will never allow my kids to demonstrate behaviours suggesting that I am an ineffective parent. All I can say is, I love my children, but I have never been so much of a kid-loving person and I happened to have zero tolerance of kids who behaved as though they are the fucking kings or queens.