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Tuesday, May 12

Suffocated

Last night I had an asthmatic attack; it had been a while since my last. Because of the lapse, I had taken it for granted that I was healthier than before and I couldn't care less that I had misplaced my Ventolin inhaler.

Initially, I thought I might have it beside my bed because that was where I used to keep it when I had more frequent attacks in the past. Then I remembered, I had shifted it out and into one of my drawers after moving house.

My chest was getting tighter as I scurried from my room to another, having totally no idea where to start looking. Then tears came gushing down, making it even harder to breathe. I pushed open the windows, sucked in as much oxygen as I tried but the air felt so much thinner than I thought. I was getting suffocated; it was as though someone was sitting on my chest!

I wasn’t sure if it was my tears or otherwise, I had a short moment when it felt as if I was drowning in water. I had this crushing pressure, up in my head; I felt woozy. I couldn't stand up nor could I find my voice. I sat on the floor with my back on the wall, armed with a Vicks Vapor Rub; I desperate rubbed the content onto my head, my throat, my chest and even my nose. It burnt but I did felt better.

I gave up the search for my missing inhaler and returned back to bed, exhausted with the fight for breathe. I smeared more Vicks on myself and tried breathing into it.

It must have taken over an hour or so, before I was finally able to lay back down on the bed without having to gasp for air. If I had that inhaler, all that could have been over in 15mins or less.

I slept for 3 hours or so, but it felt like a long time.

It took me some time to get out of bed; the compressed feeling in my chest slowed me down. I paused periodically to take long sigh.

I went to the doctor; he told me my lungs are clear.
.
.
.
.

Maybe I did not have an asthmatic attack.

Maybe it wasn’t the lack of oxygen that suffocates me.

Maybe I had imagined all these.

Maybe it was all a bad dream and I will be able to wake up from it soon.

3 comments:

A passerby said...

Maybe it was panic attack that you had experienced. It is somewhat like what you had described. And don't mind me saying this, but I think you are mildly depressive. You need help.

melissa said...

cin, pls take care... is everything really ok like what u told me? I seriously doubt, but I didn't dare to ask much that day.

HoneySwee said...

pls take good care of yourself ya, from worried eric & honey

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