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Saturday, October 3

Nightmares

Yesterday Mr Hubby asked if I wanted to join him and his friends for dinner. As I was working from home, I decided I was too lazy to put on makeup and a dress to go anywhere. I told Mr Hubby to go ahead without me.

So I spent the evening having dinner at home with Laetitia, sent her to bed early and had a little bit of time catching up with TV, before I headed for bed, slightly before midnight.

The last thing I watched on the TV was about fatality of traffic accidents and it featured a young mother losing her husband, who was killed on the road recently. It saddened me.

I slept for over an hour and had a really bad but vivid dream, I woke up drenched in cold sweat. I checked the clock, it was past 1 am and there was still no signs of Mr Hubby. That was when my imagination got the better of me. I started to panic, I wondered if the nightmare I had was a premonition that something bad was happening to Mr Hubby. I dialled his cellphone. No one answered. I tried again and for the third time, still unanswered. I was freaking out.

I was fully awake by then, I went to the kitchen, very tempted to call his friends, but I held back for a moment. The last thing I wanted was to pass on this infectious panic to another unsuspected person.

Just then, my cellphone rang, I picked it up in a second. It was Mr Hubby. "Where are you? I was trying to call you." I must had sounded like some mad woman. "I am at the KTV. I am coming back soon." Mr Hubby assured. "You should have called. I was worried, you know." Trying really hard to conceal my exasperation.

I hung up, went back to the bedroom and found Laetitia woken up by the night light. I dashed across the room to switch it off but it was too late, she was already crying to have it turn back on. I spent the next 15 minute coaxing the tantrum throwing toddler back to sleep. And when that was done, floods of emotions hit me like a truck. Frustration, depression, helplessness, relief, confusion all rolled up inside of me. My tears came gushing through my tightly closed lids. I brawled uncontrollably in the darkness.

Then I felt my baby thrashing violently inside me as if to remind me that I have to get a gripe of myself for his sake. Which I eventually did.

At the very least, he is safe, sound and enjoying himself; isn't it the best scenario I can get out of this, I comforted myself.

I rolled to my massive belly to the side and tried to get some sleep. Apart from the aftermath of the sage which left me with a throbbing headache and a stuffy nose, no permanent harm was done.

I am still fortunate, I guess.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

And your husband is very fortunate to have you, who trust him.

melissa said...

Cin, this is quite typical for a preggy.. i was like that too... imagination running wild, out of control...

and i do agree.. Mr Hubby is a fortunate man.

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