Wednesday, May 18

Staring Cancer in the Face

We have been planning to bring my mom for a short vacation coming Sept, when I told her I am giving her a trip to Phuket as part of her Mother's Day present, she was ecstatic. I was equally excited because I had always wanted to bring my mom abroad and finally I have the chance.

That was last Sunday. Since then, a drastic turn of event had shattered our exhilaration.

Three years ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, terminal stage. She had chemotherapy which gave her good results despite the fact that the cancer cells had metastasized to her lungs. After a series of chemo, she was put on a type of anti-cancer drug that was working well for her - until now.

During one of her BSE, she had detected lumpiness in her breast, so she asked for a Mammogram and a Breast Ultrasound. The results came in on Monday. It wasn’t looking good.

Her doctor had scheduled her for a CT scan and had talked to her about the possibility of mastectomy or another round of chemo.

My mom is devastated.

There had been a dark cloud looming above my head since then. I tried to tell myself that I should be grateful because we came so close to losing her the other time. These three years of borrowed time had given my mom the opportunity to travel to many countries that she had wanted to visit, witnessed the wedding of my brother, celebrated the birth of her two grandsons and made many new friends in her cancer support group.

Having lost my cousin, her niece, to breast cancer just months ago, it sure felt as though Death still lingers among us.

I know I can’t have her around forever but I do hope we would have another three more years, or if I could have it my way, another five more years, if that’s not being too greedy. It would mean so much to me and for my children, they would retain better memories of this grandmother who dote on them so dearly.

But having said that, my wish for her is to be blessed with having the quality of life, even if it means shortening the length of time we have of her. I just don't ever want her to suffer.

It has became much harder to stay positive confronting cancer for the second time, but I will have to find the strengthen to be my mom’s rock; I can’t crumble, not now, not in the future.

With this post, I am linking up with Shell for her Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday.

Things I Can't Say


Lisa said...

My mother is dying from ALS. Unfortunately, the disease has robbed her from her ability to move, speak, or do anything. She hasn't been able to be the doting grandmother I knew she would have been. My heart goes out to you and hope your mom is able to fight and stick around with a great quality of life as long as possible.

Stopiing by from PYHO.

Shell said...

Sending prayers for your mom!

Kim said...

What a terrible time for you and your family. I understand completely your wish for her to be around long enough for your kids to really know her and preserve her in their memories.

ah mel said...

ah cin, stay strong and be positive...

Double Ls and Mommy said...

Thanks to all who had left comments. My mom had undergone the surgery to remove her breast and has since been discharged. She is doing good and I am feeling quite positive. We will treasure every moment that we have of each other.


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