So here I am, putting up an ad for this shitty job, so that I may take a breather.
Position available: Mommy to a preschooler & a toddler
Potential candidates need not have any prior experiences nor qualification.
All age and race are welcome. Smoker need not apply.
- Must possess a heart brave enough to tame the tigers and compassionate enough to spare an ant.
- Must have patience by the truckload
- Must be able to work round the clock; ability to multi-task is an absolute must.
- Must be physically fit (because this job does not permit you to be on MC)
- Must be able to plan ahead of time, better if you are good in forecasting
- Must possess abilities to teach, entertain, discipline and read a captivating bedtime story
- Must be familiar with Supernanny, Jo Frost's 'time-out'
- Must be able to administrate medicines, take temperature and dress up wounds (nursing background is an advantage)
- Must be able to plan and cook nutritious meals for the kids
- Must possess the skill of a hairdresser and the flair of a fashion stylist
- Must be able to pronounce A-Z phonically
- Must be familiar with the characters of Sesame Streets, Dora, Barney and every classic fairy tales
- Must be firm and gentle at all times
- Must be able to deal with stress, pressure, cries and tantrums
- Must be fair and unbiased
- Must love
Benefits: Almost none except for the occasional hugs & kisses and unlimited supplies of poo & pee.
Remuneration: Priceless! And believe me, I don't say it's priceless for nothing. You won't get a cent!
(Honestly, I do not believe anybody would respond.)