My Mom

Mother's Day is long overdue. I didn't get to celebrate with my mom this year, coz my kids were down with Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease. A few days before Mother's Day, I called my mom on the phone and broke the bad news to her, I apologize to her as I couldn't bring her out for dinner and neither would I want her to come over to my place because my kids were infectious. She comforted me, "No worries, we can always have dinner, any day, as long as the kids are healthy. Go, take good care of them. Mommy will be fine."

My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2008, she fought a good battle through chemotherapy, radiation therapy and mastectomy. While she still has cancer, she is trying everything she could to stay health, and fighting to stay alive for her children as well as her grandchildren. Her immunity is weaken by the chemo drugs she is taking, hence I didn't want her to have any chance of catching the dreadful HFMD. The best precautionary measure seemed to be keeping her away from my kids. But we all miss her terribly.

The last time, I saw her was close to a month ago, I was busy preparing for a business trip, then I was away and when I came back, the kids were unwell. So she insisted to come over to my place earlier and cook dinner for my kids. We absolutely LOVE my mom's cooking. But my Laetitia had not been clear of HFMD yet, so I was worried. I called my mom this afternoon and told her not come, but she assured me that she isn't afraid. She wanted to come and keep my daughter company since she was barred from school for more than a week now, and my mom reckon my daughter would be thrilled to have her around.

While still on the phone, I confided in my mom about some recent unhappiness I was having with my daughter's impermissible behavior and her unwillingness to comply. My mom listened patiently to my ranting. When I finally ended. She said this to me gently, "Girl, just let it go. Look at Mommy, I used to be worried and get upset easily, then I got cancer and now I realized that a lot of things are not as important as it seemed. Let it go, don't be like me... Anyway, I am going over to your place now. See you later." And she hung up.

I held on to the phone as a tear rolled down my cheek. Yes. My mom is right, I have to learn to let go.

Just now, after dinner, she showed me her hands and feet, they were extremely dry, peeling, darken and her nails are falling off! This is one of the many side effects of the chemo drug that she has to withstand. I gave her some Physiogel cream to bring home, but it sadden me to know that I can't relieve her of any of the sufferings. This feeling of helplessness is unbearable.

Many of the friends she made, when she was receiving treatments in KK hospital, had passed on or are in really bad shape now. I don't know how long more I will have my mom around. The morbid thought terrifies me.

Earlier, I saw a post on FB, it says "I wanna donate my life.". I didn't have a close friendship with this person, but strangely, I left a comment, almost out of sheer desperation.

"Yes, give it to my mom, she needs it. She wants to see her grandchildren grow up. Thank you."

Even though, I knew it can NEVER be possible, still, I ask for it - An almost zero % chance that my mom can have the life that someone takes lightly and make good of it, I want it.